I think I have hit the wall....so to speak. Steven has been away since June (home on weekends) at college and I guess you could say that I have been doing the 'single-mum' thing since then. No offense to all of you single mums. I seriously take my hat off to you....I don't know how you do it without losing your mind at times.
I just woke up this morning and felt totally over it all. I love my little girl more than life itself. Looking at that photo, how could I not! It's no understatement but neither is it an understatement that today....I'm over this gig. I just need a couple of nights away with NO-ONE! Just me. Just 2 days of not being forced out of bed in the middle of the night and then having to follow that up with some ridiculous hour in the morning. Just 2 days of not having to think about or care for anyone but me.
The last few months have just been endless nappies, clothing changes, toilet training, meals, cleaning the kitchen a zillion times a day, washing, sleepless nights, early mornings, seizures, racing to get Ayla and myself ready in time in the morning, medications (don't even get me started here), therapy, food on the flippin floor, grocery shopping, lifting, lifting, lifting, feeding, slobber on my frickin face. I know this just sounds like one almighty whinge fest but, you know......IT IS! I'm tired and I need some R+R. I'm going away this weekend for a whole 24 hours....whacky friggin do! It's not nearly enough and trust me it won't be a restful 24 hours.
Steven finishes at the end of November and if I'm going to make it until then (intact) then I think I need a little something to look forward to. I'm picturing a cheap little cottage by the sea. Slow, late mornings, beach walks, knitting, reading, napping, eating, early nights, all night sleeps and wake up and do it all over again the next day. I'm on to it.
I have just finished typing up an application for a grant so that we can continue to pay for Ayla's ABR therapy. It's sometimes so hard to remain positive when you are constantly typing up applications that highlight your daughter's disability....all for a miserly $2000 which she may not 'qualify' for. This one asks that we nominate 1 or 2 areas of disability conditions that we intend to focus on in the treatment of our child and that this preferably be based on medical or therapist advice.....pffft. We haven't found one medico or physical or occupational therapist that has supported us on our quest with ABR despite the clear proof of the improvements and progress made over the past three years!! So...onwards and upwards I say. It's likely that she won't receive the grant so I figure if I want a job done properly....I'm destined to do it myself. With my Mum and Dad's help too. With that in mind, I think it is time to share another improvement that was noted in Ayla's ABR comparison report for August 2011.
ABR Improvement #2
This photo was taken in November 2010. You can see how perfectly straight Ayla's vertebral column is in this position....and you would think that was good right? Nope. This actually demonstrates that her vertebral column lacks flexibility due to the lack of 'space' between the vertebrae.
In this photo taken in August 2011, you can see that Ayla's vertebral column is finally starting to develop some flexibility with a clearly defined curve. This means that the work that we have been doing on Ayla over the last 9 months has helped to increase the spacing between her vertebrae and thus increase flexibility. Love the human body! It can do some really amazing things with just a little help.
And slightly off topic....but I know you are possibly asking??? No, the seizures haven't stopped yet. We are throwing everything we have at them but they are still there for now. No, I still don't like them. No, I'm still not getting much sleep. But yes, I am coping with them a little better. And yes, I'm going to have a party when they're gone :)
Stayed tuned for some photos from our fabulous day at Floriade!