Saturday, June 23, 2012

Happy Days..

We have a little news to share.  It's been so hard to keep it a secret.  I'm busting with excitement and want to shout it from the rooftops.

I'll give you a clue ....pitter, patter, pitter, patter ...... Got it?  No?  Ok then.  There's going to be a new member to a our little family and it's not of the furry kind.  Ayla is finally going to have a little brother or sister to play with!  And to love her like we do.

I feel quite emotional at times.  It has been such a long and painful 5 years.  That's how long I have been wanting to have another baby but with Ayla's condition being genetic, the chances of it happening again were far too high.  I watched friends and strangers fall pregnant and have their beautiful babies.  I have felt so ecstatically happy for them, and at the same time, so devastated and heartbroken for myself.  You can't imagine the pain and the turmoil that goes on inside as you fight so hard to keep the heartache from your face while you're around them.  And you want so much to hold their beautiful newborn babes but you know it's going to be like a knife through your heart.  But the tears come and the tears go and you just have to get on with it.

You are possibly wondering why or how this is happening if we are so afraid of this condition striking our family again.  We have been having IVF and Geneticist appointments for around three and a half years now, looking at all of our options.  To be honest, there weren't really any options.  If we went again naturally, we were risking a 1 in 4 chance of the condition happening again.  If we chose to go down the route of donor sperm or donor egg, the risks were only reduced to 1 in 10.  Still too high.

A couple of years ago we were made an offer that we simply couldn't refuse.  The possibility of donated embryo's.  If you haven't looked at this option in your lifetime then you simply wouldn't know that couples sit on donor embryo lists for 5 years or more.  Sometimes they never receive that gift.  To be contacted by someone and have them tell you that they have frozen embryos that they are not able to utilise and that they want to give them to you left me beyond speechless.  Steven and I didn't have to think on it too long.  What an amazing, selfless, generous and loving gift to receive.

And so here we are ......

It's still early days and yes, society suggests that you don't tell anyone until that magical 12 week mark but I can't help thinking that telling people isn't going to change any outcomes.  I have a strong sense that our fates our pre-determined (to a point ....kinda like a "choose your own adventure book").  So I'm sharing because I just can't wait anymore.

Happy days..... xx